Oh god, look what Tom uses for a bookmark… It’s a receipt for ammunition.
I’ve had my eye on your for sometime. I’ve seen you in movies, on tv and when i’m at the mall, and frankly… I wanna be on you… And i will be in 3-6 business days.
And on the first day God said ‘LX 1 GO!’
Cravings…
So you know that horrible feeling when you’re sitting on the couch watching the TV and all of a sudden you realize you’re hungry… not just hungry but craving something.
BUT WHAT?!?! What are you craving?!
… God only knows…
So you spend the next hour, maybe more standing in front of your refrigerator contemplating everything in it. “Cheese? No. Leftovers? No. Apples? No.” Then to the pantry… “Chips? No. Chocolate? No. Cereal? No.”
Back and forth you go. Nibbling at the odd thing, smelling every other thing to no avail. And after taking a bite out of nearly everything edible in the house you realize, you’re full. But you STILL crave this unknown… Thing. This thing haunts for the rest of the day or night and maybe even the next day just sitting there on the diving board of your memory waiting for that right exquisite moment to finally leap down to your cerebral cortex (or something) and then… You know. And no matter what you’re doing, you drop everything and you go get that thing as soon as humanly possible.
Emotions… ???
Sometimes when I get stressed out, I get upset… And sometimes when I get upset… I get like, angry. And when i’m upset and angry I cry.
When I’m all of the above things and I’m alone, I take things out on inanimate objects. Example : Driving home and the song on the radio is one of the annoying house mixes with random air horns. “Who even likes air horns?!?! It’s not a real instrument.” And this is when we cue the angry crying face which looks kinda like this…
And then with my large fuzzy mittens I attempt to change the radio station ending in only a medley of static “I broke it…!! Whyyyyy????” , Christmas music “It’s still too early! I hate Christmas things in November!!!” and the air horns once again “A kazoo would have been a wiser choice than this shit!”
Finally stopped in front of my house, I pull out the pathetic whimper and with mittens still on I messily wipe my eye-makeup everywhere and end up looking something like this…
Only like… ten times worse and twenty times more pathetic.
Upon entering my house, after fumbling with keys in the dark, swearing at the cold, cursing my fat mitten-clad butterfingers and freezing my ass off, I sit on the couch eat some chips and pretend the day never happened.
And slowly but surely I will slip into a salt and fat induced coma…
Oh backstage badger, you just know how to sum it up.
Errehday of my life.
Oh Hai Winter!
What’s up winter? I see you’ve decided it was a good time for snow. On the one night i had to park my car outside.
But snow was not the real problem here, the problem was that it snowed, melted and then snowed again creating a deadly icy mess underneath a puffy layer of wintery goodness.
It took me five minutes to carefully reef my car door open and then another fifteen to scrape as much sludge off my poor car.
Winter: 1 Allison: 0
(p.s. the car above is not my car. Thank the lord.)
